Finally! The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.

It’s a booth you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you have on you. They see this as a win-win for everyone, with no crap about racial profiling. It also would eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. Justice would be swift. Case closed!

You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system . . . “Attention standby passengers — we now have a seat available on flight number XXXX.    Shalom”  – Unknown author

No, we are not talking about the Barack Hussein Obama (mm, mm, mm) takeover of the health delivery system. This is an entirely different horror story. Watch appalling images of a Canadian girl conducting milk drinking rituals involving circumcision of recyclable plastic bags. Will the Obama administration import the barbaric custom as part of its cap and tax (“to save the planet”) legislation?

Questions:  Quick. On which Israeli national holiday did Ophir Pines resign from politics?

Answer:  Any day in which Ophir Pines resigns from politics is an Israeli national holiday!

Ophir Pines is a politician whom I really love to hate. He is an obnoxious leftist McCarthyist. He led the Labor Party’s campaign against freedom of speech for anti-Oslo dissidents. After Rabin’s assassination, Pines led each and every Labor Party attempt to indict members of the political opposition for supposedly being collectively guilty of Rabin’s death, and he led the camp claiming that exercise of freedom of speech by Right-wingers was what ultimately produced the Rabin assassination. He repeatedly filed court petitions against Righists expressing opinions.

Pines was considered until yesterday, when he resigned from the Knesset, to be the up-and-coming Young Turk, the Bonnie Prince Churly, and next-generation-leader of the Labor Party. He had come in at the very top of Labor Party internal primaries. This – in spite of his total absence of charisma and his lack of any sense of humor. Pines looks like a young Montgomery Burns, and has yet to be seen cracking a smile.

“Pines” is actually a common name for German Jews. It is however pronounced in German and Hebrew, and I kid you not about this, “Penis.” Some members of the clan spell the name as it sounds, making their peace with the jokes. Others, including young Ophir, prefer the PG spelling – PINES. In any case, his name is pronounced Offer Penis, and for many years I respond to anyone mentioning his name with, “Sure, just not my own.” Wouldn’t it be cool if he had married a woman named Fanny Prostate?

So just what induced Prince Penis to abandon the Labor Party? I think the answer is pretty clear.  Rodents never stay aboard sinking ships. The Labor Party has sunk from a hegemonic single-party ruling class, running the state all on its own, to squeezing into the last Knesset as the 4^th largest power. It is possibly about to split into two even smaller splinters.

The Labor Party has very simply been completely wrong about nearly every single matter on which it has taken a public stand. First and foremost, of course, the Labor Party bears direct responsibility for the Oslo debacle and all the existential damage it has done to the Jewish people. Pines completely supports all of that, but he can see that the Labor shiplet is a-sinkin. Read more >

Ilan Ramon's shuttle exploding over Palestine, Texas

Friends, I have at long last come to a realization. The only way to bring stability and peace to the Middle East is by creating a new independent state in Palestine and moving all of the Palestinians into it.

I am of course referring to Palestine, Texas.

Yes, there is a town in Texas named Palestine and frankly I think it would be a wonderful place to erect a homeland for Palestinians. The weather is not all that different from that in the area of the Land of Israel referred to incorrectly by some people as Palestine.

Moreover, there are oodles of advantages to moving all of the Palestinians to Palestine (Texas).

First, their water problems would be solved. Palestine, Texas is home to the lovely Lake Palestine. Second, the largest employer in Palestine is the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. I guess that means the prison authorities. And who better to host the large number of Palestinians moving in to town and making them feel snug and comfortable! Read more >

We got this email and immediately started making plans to spend our USD $2.25 million.

Attn; Request.

Sometimes the urgency of a letter could determine the channel in which it is sent, this letter is very urgent and important and the fastest channel to reach you is via your email address.

Can you receive 7.5M usd on behalf of my company and be compensated with 30% of it?

Send your names, phone, fax number, occupation and age then you will be fully briefed on the nature of the transaction.

Yours truly,

Mr. Carl Wilson

Johnson (incoming Home Secretary – – ed.) said Smith had no right to put Savage, the third highest rated radio talker in America, on the same list as a former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard, a skinhead gang leader and a Hezbollah militant.

Last week, Jacqui Smith admitted she was not up to being home secretary, saying she should have been given some training for the job before being named.

“When I became home secretary I’d never run a major organization,” she told Total Politics magazine. “I hope I did a good job but if I did it was more by luck than by any kind of development of skills. I think we should have been better trained. I think there should have been more induction.”

Last month, Smith resigned her position in the wake of scandal over personal use of taxpayer funds and her controversial ban of Savage.

Read Michael Savage: Pack your bags for England!

We first heard it on the Hugh Hewitt radio show and found the link on Michelle Malkin’s Blog. It is possible to be pompous and ignorant at the same time. Senator Barbara Boxer, unlike Dr. Evil, does it gracelessly.

Life is short, but art is enduring. If it is true that artists have special insight and that art opens a window to the soul, then this piece is a Rembrandt. It is a simple plot, great character development, unexpected twists and then the climax.

President Obama’s airplane buzzed Ground Zero scaring shoppers, office workers and children. If President Bush pulled this stunt the headlines in the New York Times would have been “Bush Attacks New York: Women and Minorities Hardest Hit.” Since the culprit is the smartest President ever, it all got blamed on Moishe Poopick, a $60,000 a year clerck working in the sub-basement archives of City Hall. Sure, somebody in the White House knew about it, but it wasn’t anybody with a window office. The smartest President definitely did not know about it and the best Press Secretary in history, Robert Gibbs, when asked by a reporter to explain why Obama buzzed New York responded “you should call the White House.” Waw! Brilliant!

The world is going to hell in a hand basket. Lucky for us it’s going there on video. At least we’ll get a chuckle out of it. The Onion captures the essense of our civilization in this fake but accurate Newscast.